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Tag: failure

Otiko Djaba, Rape is not an STD.

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Dear Otiko Djaba,

Rape is NOT an STD. We Cannot Prevent Rape by Covering our bodies!

It is not often that I take the time to write to persons in positions of authority, as for the most part, I believe that authorities know what they are doing and do not need my input. However, on the odd occasion, I have been known to speak up. Ms Zita Okaikoi heard from me regarding her inaction, during her tenure as Ambassador to the Czech Republic, when a Ghanaian male was treated like “garbage” in that country.

Your predecessor, the Honourable Oye Lithur also heard from me, though I did not share my strong words for her here but kept to facebook, when she chose to sign the petition for the release of the Montie 3. Today, my attention is on you, and only you.

When you spoke up for yourself during your vetting and stood your ground when compelled to apologise to former President Mahama, I applauded from my home. I posted on social media about how it was high time we had a headstrong woman in the role of gender minister, who would not kowtow to the whimsy of our patriarchal society.

Imagine my joy when you turned up for your swearing-in looking radiant in your traditional garb and with your “interesting hairstyle” and hit back at your detractors when they accused you of setting a poor example for girls. Your defense for your hairstyle warmed my heart. Surely you would defend human rights as you defended your hair, no? Soon after, however, the bombs began to drop.

When videos began to circulate, in which a suspected female thief was sexually abused by a group of traders, you took days to speak regarding the issue, and even then, only to say that the police must be allowed to follow due process, and that the lady in question did not want to be found. My jaw dropped. With actual evidence in hand, the State wanted the victim to press charges before locking up those men? Even if she was proven to be a thief, did she deserve to be treated in such a manner?

The whole thing reminded me of an incident in Legon Uni where another alleged thief was stripped naked and manhandled by the males in one of the Mensah Sarbah Hall Annexes. Video footage circulated from this incident as well and some rather vile minded persons implied that she got what she deserved. I wonder why it took so long for action to be taken in the February 2017 event, when there was video evidence clearly showing the faces of her attackers.

You disappointed me, Otiko. You disappointed me so much but I had hope. I, and other women I hold dear to my heart, hoped you would “show us levels” but alas, just as Maya Angelou said, when someone shows you their character, believe them the first time.

I have actually left my sick bed to write to you tonight. I am supposed to be on bed rest while my back heals up but noooo, I needed to sit upright and take the time to let you know how disappointed I am, that you, a Minister for Gender should stand before a group of adolescent girls and declare that they should avoid wearing short skirts in order to prevent rape.

Can we stop devaluing men and their ability to think? Their brains are not actually stored in their penises.

I must thank you for warning male teachers not to coerce and abuse their charges. Warning them to desist from impregnating the girls, was a step in the right direction considering the society we live in but sadly, even this one good deed of yours stood on rocky ground. It gives the impression that the only thing wrong with male teachers sleeping with students, is the possibility of pregnancy.

You were absolutely right, in that it is an abuse of their rights but I put to you that pregnancy should be the least of their worries, but rather the emotional and physical trauma they inflict on their victims. Focusing on the risk of pregnancy ignores the fact that STDs could be transmitted and that female teachers could also be taking advantage of their charges, be they male or female students.

You mentioned something else that caught my attention, “We want to initiate a mentoring program; a girls-girls leadership program in all the schools, from basic to tertiary and as well as within the communities to ensure that we know our rights and we understand what it is to be  a woman who is an equal partner in society, no longer women behind but side by side with our men as equal partners”.

Great initiative but I wonder, can we have a mentoring program for boys as well? One which teaches them that older women sleeping with them is a form of abuse and not something they should be “proud of”? One that teaches them that they do not deserve sex whenever and wherever they want it, and that they should not be afraid to speak up when they are being forced into situations they are uncomfortable with? Our society has taught men for far too long, that their “manhood” and brains lay in their penises, and that women exist solely to provide them with pleasure.

In the next breath, you are alleged to have stated, that the girls should “…be bold, be confident, be respectful. If you wear a short dress, it’s fashionable but know that it can attract somebody who would want to rape or defile you. You must be responsible for the choices you make”.

Here is where I screamed in fury before being reduced to a weeping mess. My dear woman, that was a terrible gaffe. You revealed in those words, the fact that you are as much embroiled in the patriarchal BS that we are fed daily, as women. As the defender of human rights, you managed, in one fell swoop, to lay the blame for rape at the feet of the victims (fine, fine, potential victims). Please be informed, if you have not read my header above, “Rape is not an STD and we cannot prevent it by covering up“.

Rape Condom! To deter lusty males from infecting your body with rape.

Your statement ignores the following:

  1. Rape is not about sex. People do not rape because they are horny and want to get off. No, rape is about control, about power, about abusing a vulnerability, be it mental or physical. It is this “power thirst” that has warriors raping while they pillage villages. You think they simply miss their wives? No no it is about humiliation of the enemy and proving their weakness. “Haha you call yourselves warriors? Watch us violate your women and children”. Sex has been used as a weapon for years and so I am appalled when I meet people who miss the purpose of rape.
  2. Rape involves more than a penis and a vagina. I do not believe in the Ghanaian legal definition for rape, as it assumes just as you have, that rape only involves a man placing his penis inside of a woman’s vagina. The term defilement annoys me also, as it implies a sullying of the victim. The victim is not dirty, in the case of “defilement” so why use such a disgusting term? Newsflash, Madam Minister, men can be raped too. They can be raped by men, and by women. Once upon a time, I thought it was impossible to rape a man but then I learned that rape is about consent, and consent can be denied, even in the presence of a physical response.Research has shown that in fight or flight situations, men can have erections. The same happens with women, who often are ashamed to report rape because their bodies responded during the struggle. Most often, their attackers even point out to them the fact that their bodies are prepped and ready.I ask you, as a woman who seems to think that short skirts are the reason for rape, what would you say to a woman who told you she said no to a man but he forced himself on her and that, to her shame, she had an orgasm or two? Would you as gender Minister then decide her orgasm was proof of consent? I think you need some gender sensitivity training.
  3. Rapists have self control. Yes they do! They have so much self control in fact, that they actively search for persons they can overpower physically and mentally. A rapist who is 5’4″ and weighs 50kg will not attempt to physically overpower a person who is 6’2″ and weighs 90kg, certainly not without a weapon, or with prior knowledge that the potential victim is not mentally sound and thus can be coerced into the act.All those house helps seducing their young charges, call it statutory rape or no, there is a clear indication that these persons have had their bodies and rights violated.The idea that showing a little bare skin is enough to drive men into a sexual frenzy is absurd and should not be perpetrated any further. If a woman should choose to walk through the streets naked, it is not an excuse for anyone, male or female to touch them inappropriately, let alone insert objects into any orifices.  You liken men to animals with no self control, when we have seen dogs back off from food because they were told “NO”. Are men honestly reduced below the level of dogs when they get turned on?
  4. Rapists do not always beat their victims into submission. Most children who are assaulted will tell you their attackers did not beat them. They may have threatened violence either on their person or that of a loved one in order to get them to keep quiet, but overall, child molesters (rapists) simply prey on innocence and naivete to get what they want. Drugging an adult victim is a sure way of overpowering them without physical force. Or perhaps you, like the Ghana Police, want every victim to turn up with rope burns, swollen eyes, busted lips and vaginal tears to prove they did not consent to sex?
  5. Women in full clothing get raped too. The high incidence of rape in countries like India and Bangladesh are proof enough that no matter what a person wears, they can still be attacked by predators. Long skirt, short skirt, tights or jeans trousers, none will prevent a narcissist from taking what they want.

Pardon me for the long rant but I feel very passionately about this because this argument allows a lot of rapists to get away scott free. It allows boyfriends, dates, husbands (yes and girlfriends and wives) to simply refuse to take no for an answer, force a physical response from their victim and take from them, that which they do not wish to give.

Patriarchy has done this to us. Women are taught they are to blame if they are raped, that they are at fault if they get pregnant and men are taught that they are men when they have a high body count. They refuse to consider that they could be sexually assaulted because they cannot fathom ever having a woman or another man managing to overpower them physically or mentally.

Let’s please get this right and stop victim shaming. Giving predators excuses will never do, and teaching our young women that their clothing will drive men into a frenzy is beyond irresponsible.

Ms Djaba, i must ask you to do better. As gender minister, you are more than just a voice for the voiceless. You should never be caught perpetrating such misogyny.  Please don’t ever tell girls they make a choice to be preyed on by rapists when they dress a certain way. I don’t see us telling the lion that the gazelle was prancing about like a slut and deserved to be eaten.
And thus a closet rapist is born

The next time you talk about sexual abuse in any form, please remember to discuss consent. Let it be known that a man or woman has no right to demand oral, vaginal or anal sex from another person. Let them know even hand jobs are not to be demanded.

I and other Ghanaians want to hear you telling men and women that even if a person consented to sex, and is in the middle of the act, they still have a choice to say no and walk away. Let it also be known that if a man or woman says no to sex, that it is not alright to convince them to say yes, by stroking their bodies into submission.

This is one thing I have noticed in some Ghanaian relationships, where people assume the person saying no is playing hard to get. Disrespecting the person’s wants and choices, forcing a physical response from them, and carrying on is reprehensible. Sex is supposed to be between two willing individuals. The fact that one person has to be coerced should surely kill any vim, no? 

Oh by the way, I went out drinking on Friday night wearing a short dress and heels. The older male I was with, despite my near intoxication, thin frame and sexy clothing (the dress even had cut outs to show some flesh above my boobs) did not rape me. He had several chances, as we were in a dark and quiet section of the bar we visited and the streets on our drive back to my home were dark, to overpower and rape me, but he did not. In fact, he did not even touch my arm or leg, simply because I had already told him prior, that I was not interested in sex with him, or anyone, and that I was only interested in making a new friend. I know this must be a shock to you, and to others who hold your views that men are uncontrollable beings led by their penises but this man is a prime example of what we nurture when we, as a society teach men and women to respect each other, and make them understand that they are not entitled to anything from another person.

Oh by the by, I apologise for calling your hairstyle a chicken style on twitter. I was overcome by anger yet still, I owe you an apology. Your hairstyle should have no impact on your duty, unless the weave is sewn in too tight and making it impossible for you to concentrate.

Be the woman we expect you to be, Otiko. Show us that you’re here to protect all genders and that you are capable of doing your job.

Sincerely Yours,

~Daixy~

PS I have so much more to say but I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Should you wish to debate further, my twitter handle is @D41XY. I loooove to debate online, but only when I do not have deadlines to meet.

 

Blast from the Past: National Identification?!!!

Remember when I blogged about the National Identification Scheme and questioned whether or not Ghana was ready for such an exercise? I was concerned with the amount of information that was being collated and questioned whether it was safe for our security personnel to have access to it.

It’s been four years since and since then I’ve noted the following:

1.  The website is no longer http://www.niaghana.gov.gh/ 
It redirects you to the new website
2.  The new one is http://www.nia.gov.gh/
Recently, I paid a visit to the NIA Office near Gulf House and being the curious person that I am, I followed a website mentioned in an ad placed in the lobby. The ad was inviting people to visit Ghana’s e-services hub.  Since I had my smartphone on me, I typed in the link and was actually impressed with the site. I decided to click on the NIA page there and followed a link there to the official website whereupon was promptly directed to….
3. a porn site. A Russian porn site. I thought my eyes were deceiving me so I went back and clicked the link. Same thing! So I checked from a tablet. Once again, I was directed to the porn site. NO, I did NOT take a screen-shot of the questionable content (I know some naughty ones will ask for evidence).
I informed the receptionist of the problem and she said “We know. The IT guys are on National assignment so we can’t fix it now”. For real? NO ONE was available to stop the hackers from redirecting visitors to their lewd gallery?
Later on, I was made to understand that the hack only worked on mobile devices. Computer browsers sent you to the actual NIA site so all I had to do was find a computer and save my eyes the trouble.
Still, this security thing nags at me.  This is the NIA. Information security should NOT be a problem for them. If we’re to trust them with our vital info, they should be able to handle the security of their own website, surely? 
This is what the website looks like today on both web and mobile browsers. 
I can only assume that the IT guys are finally back from assignment and are cleaning up the website. How long the welcome screen will greet us, I’ve no idea but I’ll take this to naked chics any day.
Have you registered with the NIA? Do you feel your data is safe with them? Have you experienced anything like I did when visiting any Ghanaian Government site?  Hit me up in the comments section.

Accra: Village, Slum or City?

Woke up this morning to see this article floating about on twitter. In this article, Eonline reporter  Alyssa Toomey writes, “The handsome boy-banders visited the impoverished village of Accra and took to Twitter to detail their eye-opening experience.”
From what I can surmise, Comic Relief (responsible for Red Nose Day)  brought One Direction to Accra. Lord knows which parts of Accra they sent them to, but hey, they saw a slum or two.
This is what one member had to say about his trip:
https://mail-attachment.googleusercontent.com/attachment/u/0/?ui=2&ik=179c22f4fa&view=att&th=13c42b9e2363e27e&attid=0.1&disp=inline&realattid=1424311331919495168-1&safe=1&zw&saduie=AG9B_P_VP_Hzw4NW2i-th9UwWnUb&sadet=1358329173800&sads=xWeM9eT46wLS5CbRfyeOYv0bni0
Hey Niall, thanks for visiting my country (even though you only visited Accra) and thanks for wanting to help those who are poverty stricken but here’s some thing you need to wise up to. Poverty is everywhere, even in your beloved United Kingdom. How is it that you managed not to notice that “poverty is real” before you visited my “impoverished village of Accra”?

In response to the article and the tweets from Niall Horan, GH twitter had a field day. Aside from tweets like mine which expressed outrage, a lot took to humour to voice their displeasure.

This one from Wanlov the Kubolor had me laughing my butt off!

 
I can’t blame One Direction.  They’re kids, really and hey, I can understand to some degree how in all the excitement, the band members could have tweeted like they did.  You can never see poverty and walk away untouched.  You’d have to be a cold bastard for that.

My beef is with the article on Eonline and thus, with  Alyssa Toomey. Ms. Toomey apparently failed to do her research before posting the article.  Even worse, the article either did not go through an editor, or her editor was an ignoramus. Accra is not an “impoverished village”. So I asked Niall, One Direction and Eonline to please tell Alyssa that Accra is not a village.  None of them bothered responding but that’s to be expected.  I tweeted at Alyssa herself asking her to edit the article and deliver an apology but received no response. I didn’t really expect otherwise.

While others rant on about whether or not Accra is a “modern city” and complain about the “dirt” etc, I would like to make myself very clear.

A village is defined by my common dictionary to be:

  1. A group of houses and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet and smaller than a town, situated in a rural area.
  2. A self-contained district or community within a town or city, regarded as having features characteristic of village life.

Accra is very much an urban area, no matter what people choose to say about it. It is larger than a town. Perhaps the slum that was visited could be described as a village but my Capital City of Accra truly fails to meet the description of a village.  It is a CITY! I do not understand why the word village has come to mean in some people’s minds, “a dirty group of mud houses with animals roaming freely about”. Please! Not every village comes with complimentary death and squalor. Accra has a huge problem with sanitation and we need to get our people to stop throwing their crap in the street but just cuz some so called “villagers” have relocated to Accra from the rural areas etc does not mean it has become a village.

Every city the world over has its share of poverty. I don’t really care about the author tagging Accra as impoverished.  Hey, if she thinks hotels like Movenpick Ambassador and La Palm Royal are signs of impoverishment, that’s her problem. I can take her behind Dekalb in the Bronx or walk her through Harlem and show her some poor people. Would she like to call those places villages too? Even in Memphis, I saw squalor.The abject poverty I have witnessed will not let me attempt to fool anyone that we do not indeed have impoverished sections (and a lot of them) in Accra.

My problem is with western media always needing to portray Africa as a poverty ridden “country”. They blatantly refuse to show the progress we’re making. Growing up, I studied geography and read a lot so I knew most of the states of America and of course, that the Britain was a teeny weeny Island etc. It was all drummed into my head, whether I wanted to know it or not.  So how come Western kids do not know that Africa is a continent? How could Alyssa Toomey not have checked facts on Ghana and thus not know that Accra was our Capital city?

Later on in the day, I discovered that the article had been edited and the insulting phrase taken out. I feel better, knowing that at least one more person out there will think twice before writing about my homeland in a derogatory manner.  I don’t care if you tell the truth about my country.  Talk about the poverty all you like (but talk about yours too and maintain the balance) but please do not make the mistake of belittling us.

To celebs like One Direction who love to do charity work, kudos. Your hard work is really appreciated but please for the love of all things Holy, do your homework. Don’t mar the good work you do with ignorant comments.

My final two cents is meant for all Ghanaians. Can we fix up our city? Please? Accra is a health hazard and it’s time we cleaned it up. We have town and country planning.  Why are their codes being ignored? Why are people dumping rubbish wherever they feel like? And what do we do about the mass exodus of people from rural areas to our urban centres? How long has that Slum at Korle Gono been in existence and what has been done to take care of it?

Until we make strides to improve things and better brand our nation, we will forever have ignorant impressions running around about this country and the rest of Africa. Let’s work together to paint a better picture of our homeland.  It’s the only one we have! 

God Bless Ghana!

~Daixy~

Daixy on: World Cup Wahala oh, Oga…..

Wow!  It’s been so long since I sat down to type anything that wasn’t work related 🙁  I do apologise for my lackadaisical behaviour when it comes to updating this blog.  Now I’m still very much busy, taking on so many extra projects in addition to my big one, but something drew me out from my hermitage.

It all began with my Nigerian friends telling me, at the beginning of the WC, to watch while the Super Eagles showed the Black Stars how it’s done….Oh wow, you sure showed us yeah?  I decided not to comment on their sad defeat…..until this caught my attention:

 image source: http://www.guardian.co.uk

Basically, Nigeria’s President, Goodluck Jonathan has suspended the Super Eagles from  playing on the International Stage for the next two years.  He has called for an investigation into the hiring of their coach.  It seems a few heads will roll for the poor showing in South Africa, and much as I can understand the President’s thinking, SOME TEAMS DIDN’T EVEN MAKE IT TO SOUTH AFRICA!!!! Shouldn’t you be glad they made it that far?  Thank God for small mercies and find ways to improve your team spirit and stop spitting in their faces.

And then you have to factor in the fact that there were far more embarrassing defeats for some other nations (cough North Korea cough cough France cough…)  In fact, there have been all sorts of rumours about North Korea  sending their team to the coalmines as punishment for their poor showing. None of this has been verified, but for a team that came out of nowhere, failed to let any press into their camp, and left South Africa in virtual secrecy….one does have to wonder what’s going to happen to them.  The commentators didn’t even know their names.  Frankly, the matches with the DPR were quite depressing, with the commentators calling them by shirt number and having to search for their names.  The French Team also wades in murky waters.  Blatter has already indicated his displeasure at the French Government’s “interference in FIFA matters”, what with Sarkozy calling for investigations into the team’s mutinous behaviour in SA.

Sorry Mr. Jonathan, but I fail to see how the way to prepare your National team for International games can be to prevent them from playing any international games.  Fire your coach if you have to, find some new blood to inject into your team but for goodness sakes, don’t suspend them.  The team most likely is going to face suspension from FIFA as a result of this action.  Is THAT what you want, Mr. Jonathan?  For your team to be banned from playing for much longer than necessary?  Someone needs to explain the fine points of Sports Psychology to this man. 

Goodness, at least when Ivory Coast’s National Team was detained  in 2000, it was for their own safety after their elimination from the Africa Cup of Nations. Why not take the normal route?  Find some fresh blood, motivate your players better, train them till they’re lean mean football machines and then you can have something to boast about. I really believe that Nigeria needs to rescind this decision before it’s too late.  The repercussions far outweigh the benefits in this oh so faulty cost-benefit analysis.

All I keep thinking about is, if Mills tried to suspend the Black Stars, the Nation would revolt.  (hint hint)

Enough said lol.

~Daixy~

Falling Hard…..

A couple of weeks ago I put this up.

Setting myself up for a huge fall

With only nine more days to go, I have to admit that I have failed!!!

I yelled F%$# You to the driver overtaking in the curve that almost pushed me into a gutter.  I screamed it at a mate who, after his driver had blocked my path with his van was cussing at me and hitting my hood to make sure I knew he was talking to me ( actually threw in more for his benefit and watched his face go white, if a black man could ever do that lol).  I also screamed it when a physiotherapist cracked my spine back in alignment.  No doubt I’ll say it again when I meet with him on Monday.

So, I have succeeded in only one out of three.  Shame on me.  But I must say, I can’t seem to make myself regret it one bit.  Bad little catholic girl, I can just imagine what my priest’s got to say when he reads this ROFL.

So, I’ve fallen and fallen hard.  It’s time now to bandage my wounds and prepare myself for the next climb.  Optimism never killed anyone.  Right?  uhh….right?

~Daixy~

PS.  I’ve been busy busy and not had the chance to get online much over the past couple of weeks.  This should be remedied methinks when my new laptop arrives and I’m once again the resident geek.  I’m looking forward to video games and a chance to work on some outstanding projects.  Don’t miss me too much.  I’ll be back ASAP 😀

Doped up…..

Body, heart and soul
Are what I gave to you
Pain and misery
Were what you thought my due


No candy for me this year
Nor bubbly chapagne too
You see, I can’t get rid of the bitter taste
Of the ones I got from you


Goodbye asshole!
With time, it’s thanking you I’ll do
You taught your lesson beautifully
And I must take my cue


When next I love,
I’ll be sure to show it all year through
And the one I’m with won’t need just one day
To say, “I Love You”!

~Daixy~

I truly dislike Val’s day.  It’s because of the simple fact that people choose to hide their love until one time of year.  I’m the kind to love all year through and damn the consequences.  I don’t like christmas either.  I give gifts all year through as and when I like and I prefer to get things when I do not expect them.  Having been offered love on val’s day and then having it taken away the very next year, I’m disinclined to believe anyone who comes knocking this time of year.  Come back when you don’t have the whole world watcing and prodding and we’ll talk 😉

PS.  My sis thought I’d broken up with my boyfriend when she saw this.  For those of you who know us, PLEASE!  It’s a just a poem. 

Demolition Man: More Than Fiction?

Okay so, remember the movie “Demolition Man”?  You know, the one with Sly Stalone and Wesley Snipes?  Yes I agree the movie was wonderful and I enjoyed it still when I saw it last week on DSTV.  But I digress.  What I want you to recall from the movie is these little puppies.

 
picture source: http://ww.gearfuse.com
Anywho, for those of you still scratching their heads, I am referring to the “Vir-Sex”  devices in the movie.  You know, what they used to replace sex, as swapping of body fluids had been outlawed and unliscensed pregnancy was illegal?  Vir-sex removed all the awkwardness of dating and procreation. Why anyone would want to outlaw sex is beyond my comprehension but hey, it was a movie right?  No chance of that ever happening…..right?  I mean, right guys? 
Why has my mind gone to Vir-Sex, you ask?  Why because of THIS CNN article. Yes, for $7000 you can own your very own sex robot.  It comes with voice recognition and will speak to you about anything from golf to the war in Iraq.  And she’s good at faking it too.  Oh joy!  Funny thing is how the inventor insists he’s happily married and yet spent three years building a sex robot.  (I’m shaking my head right now)  People’s priorities are screwed.  We have war and famine to consider, diseases to control and eliminate, several issues pertaining to water and energy and yet people with technological know-how are concentrating on providing something a man can pick up in the red light district or sex shop.  Such a shame.
We live in a world where computers and the internet have taken over a lot of social niceties.  Children text their friends even when they’re sitting right next to them. Serial texters like Reina Hardesty, who confessed that she texted her girlfriends while sitting next to them at her own party, are too addicited to their gadgets and have little time for face to face conversations. Facebook and Twitter take so much of our time that we sometimes have to go cold turkey.  I went off facebook for two years and signed in again with a new account.  I very well may leave it soon because it’s too distracting. I digress once more….
I think it started with online dating which basically removed the social functions and now we’ve fallen even deeper down the rabbit hole.  Is it only a matter of time before we replace sex altogether? 
Perhaps I should holla @ Sandra Bullock and ask her where I can get one of those Vir-Sex things.  After all, in Demolition Man, “Bullock” (Lenina Huxley) tells “Stalone” (John Spartan) about the Arnold Schwarzenegger Presidential Library.  According to the movie, Arnie got so popular from his films that an amendment was passed so he could run for president.  Of course, Arnie won.  Funny thing is how Arnie is current Governor of California (true story!) and shortly after his election, three senators separately proposed amendments to the US Constitution to allow naturalized citizens to become president.
They foresaw his political ambitions so who’s to say they weren’t right about everything else? 😛
Three seashells anyone?  LOL